English is a stupid language


There is no egg in the eggplant,
No ham in the hamburger
And neither
pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England,
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted, but if we examine its paradoxes we
find that:
Quicksand takes you down slowly,
Boxing rings are
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don’t fing?
If the plural of tooth is
Shouldn’t the plural of phone booth be phone beeth?
If the teacher
Why hasn’t the preacher praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
What the heck does a humanitarian
Why do people recite at a play,
Yet play at a recital?
Park on
driveways and
Drive on parkways?
How can the weather be as hot as hell on
one day
And as cold as hell on another?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language where a house can burn
up as it burns down,
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers,
And it reflects the
creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn’t a race at all.)

That is why:
When the stars are out they are visible,
But when the
lights are out they are invisible.
And why it is that when I wind up my
It starts,
But when I wind up this poem
It ends.

Author: Janet Carr

Fashion, beauty and animal loving language consultant from South Africa living in Stockholm, Sweden.

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