I was not going to post this, but I wanted to thank you, my readers for all your messages and support when I mentioned it briefly a few weeks ago.
My brother passed away peacefully on Sunday, after a long battle with cancer. Despite the fact that it was expected and a release, the grief has felled me.
Loss is inevitable when you love. Loss of a relationship, a friend, a pet, family, friends. In the past I have tried to avoid loving because I could not bear anymore loss. But that was just as painful in another way. Now I love with my whole heart and realise that, as unbearable as it feels, grief is just love persevering. Grief is love with nowhere to go.
Somehow as I grow older, loss seems harder to bear. You would think that with age comes acceptance of the inevitability of an ending. Maybe it’s worse because we carry pieces all the grief inside us as we move through life, and with each loss it accumulates. I am also guilty of bottling up negative feelings, which is probably not good either.
My brother was terminally ill, and he had come to accept that his life would end. He told me when I last spoke that he feels bad for those he will leave behind and how his loss will make them feel. I have been thinking of that a great deal. I also do not want people to be sad when I go. I do not want them to cry or miss me or feel pain. I don’t want them loving me to cause them hurt. But it is inevitable. Because they love me and I have loved that they love me.
Hug your loved ones today, whatever and whoever they are. For those who told me about their own grief, I am with you in spirit. And thank you.
💜
Dear Janet, my condolences for your loss. I am glad you got to see your brother and spend quality time with him when you were in South Africa. I’m sure he must have been so happy to see you. Keep him close to your heart. Much love to you and your family.
Grief is necessary when we love someone close, I felt the loss of my aunt when I was a teenager because she had always treated me kindly, loved me as much as I loved her and was never judgemental even when I did stupid childish things. I then lost my mum when I was 31, her grief stays with me because we shared so many secrets over the years, hers and mine, and I still love her. I remember more happy times spent with my aunt and my mum (sisters who taught me so much and still live within me).
In time you will remember happy thoughts with your brother and the grief will then become easier for you, as long as you love him you will never get over his loss but I wish you peace, love and understanding.
Beautifully said, Janet.
a beautifully moving post; I will never forget that line: ‘Grief is love with nowhere to go’ and that message ‘hug your loved ones today’; I wish you peace