The Poo List


This has been around for years and years. I read it once long ago and well, things sometimes remind me of it. It may be inappropriate but my guess is that everyone who reads it can recognise one or two. My guess is, if you read it, it will pop into your head now and then and you may smile 🙂

Ghost Poo
– You know you’ve done a poo. There’s poo on the toilet paper, but none in the toilet.
Teflon Poo
– Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don’t even feel it. No trace of poo on the paper. You have to look in the toilet to make sure you did something.
Glue Poo
– This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times and it’s still not clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your jocks so that you don’t stain them. This kind of poo leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.
Second Thought Poo
– You’re all done wiping, and you’re about to stand up when you realise….you’ve got more.
Pop A Vein In Your Head Poo
The kind of poo that killed Elvis. It doesn’t come out till you’re all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.
Right Now Poo
– You had better be within 30 seconds of a toilet. You burn rubber getting to the toilet. Usually it has its head out before you can get your pants down.
King Kong Poo 
– This one is so big that you know it won’t go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A wire coat hanger works well. This kind of poo usually occurs at someone else’s house.
Cork Poo (or Floater)
– Even after the third flush it’s still floating in the bowl.
Wet Cheek Poo
– This one hits the water sideways and makes a big splash that gets you all wet.
Wish Poo
– You sit there all cramped up in the foetal position and fart a few times, but no poo in sight. Sometimes called a political poo, since there’s a lot of hot air and no result.
Brick Poo
– You wish you had a spinal anaesthetic before you attempted this one.
Snake Poo
– This poo is fairly soft, about as thick as your thumb and at least a metre long.
Beer and Pizza Poo
– This happens the day after the night before. Most of the time your poo doesn’t smell so bad but this one is BAD… and usually this one happens at someone else’s house, with someone waiting outside to come in next.
Ring of Fire Poo
– The one that happens after you’ve eaten seriously hot, spicy food. You will know it’s safe to eat again when your arse stops burning. 

Author: Janet Carr

Fashion, beauty and animal loving language consultant from South Africa living in Stockholm, Sweden.

Leave a Reply