Feelings wheel

I sometimes walk past a child throwing a tantrum, or a screaming baby and wish that it was acceptable to do that as an adult. Children have outbursts because they cannot regulate their emotions. Babies scream because they have no words to tell you what they need.

As an adult you are supposed to be able to recognise your emotions, understand them, and regulate them. In other words, deal when them in a mature way. But sometimes I wish it were okay to have a giant screaming tantrum, kicking your feet and screeching. Even bursting into frustrated tears can feel cathartic. I tend to just push everything down inside and bottle it up, while being outwardly very calm. This means that a tiny thing sets me off every couple of years and all the bottled up frustrations come pouring out like Vesuvius, surprising everyone around me because I am known for being calm, a great listener, not prone to stress.

I suffered burnout in 2012, after years of never stopping, doing everything, not complaining, bottling everything up. Being orphaned in my teens, not crying about the loss of my family, not talking and having no help meant I had sublimated my feelings. Not being able to have children, a divorce, and emigration added to the pile. At that time everything came crashing down on me. I went to counselling and was introduced to a feelings wheel just like this. I found it quite useful when I was feeling uncomfortable but unable to verbalise what I was feeling. You start on the inside and work your way out. I spent quite a long time on the SAD part, because my sadness was so complicated.  Now when I am upset I sit with my feelings for a bit and figure out what it actually is that I am feeling.