Things that happen in movies but not in real life


  • everyone  in London has a view of the Thames/Notting Hill/Big Ben/London buses from their flat/office
  • you take your glasses off and suddenly turn into a raving beauty
  • you never have to look for parking
  • people returning from the supermarket have a leafy green vegetable and a French loaf sticking out of their brown paper bag
  • foreign baddies speak English to each other
  • even the biggest suitcases are light as feathers
  • you can only solve a crime if you have retired or been fired from the police force
  • if you show the hero a photo of your loved one at the beginning of the movie, chances are you are going to die pretty soon
  • even the most advanced bomb has a huge red countdown clock on it
  • an evil genius has a machine or a plan that doesn’t work
  • rather than just shooting you, said genius will use some complicated device to kill you. It will fail.
  • crime scene technicians do everything from DNA to shootouts
  • DNA tests take minutes to be ready
  • people always answer their phones on the first ring
  • if there is a strange noise, people get out of bed and go down the stairs to investigate it
  • women wear full makeup to bed
  • the sheet goes up to under a woman’s armpits but only to the man’s waist
  • no one has morning breath
  • even tramps have perfect teeth (US only)
  • no one ever goes to the toilet
  • everyone knows how to pick a lock
  • no one ever says goodbye when ending a phone call
  • when you look at the television it just happens to be reporting something that impacts on you right at that very moment
  • if someone is leaving their husband/wife, all they own fits into one small bag
  • nobody can shoot straight
  • turning the light out doesn’t make things dark, just blue
  • people really have to move the steering wheel A LOT when driving
  • guns never run out of bullets
  • if they do, you just throw them and away and find another one
  • instead of phoning someone to say ‘I have changed my mind, please don’t get on that plane’, you drive to the airport in terrible traffic and then run to the gate
  • there is a lot of TYPING when hackers break into supercomputers
  • everyone has exact change for the pub
  • bad guys never attack the good guy all at once – they dance around him before attacking him one by one
  • people who hate each other will end up in love by the end of the movie
  • if you say ‘I have something important to tell you’, you will be dead in seconds
  • you always have a good internet connection
  • no matter what you do, you live in a mansion or enormous apartment or trendy loft

Author: Janet Carr

Fashion, beauty and animal loving language consultant from South Africa living in Stockholm, Sweden.

5 thoughts

  1. Cars blow up whenever they hit something, going slow or fast.

    Janet, you put on your list that nobody can shoot straight. That’s sort of wrong. They can shoot straight, but only near the end of the movie.

    When a person ends up in the middle of the street with cars and trucks barreling down on them, the drivers lay on the horn and keep their foot on the gas instead of breaking.

    People can start free-falling but catch a ledge with their fingertips and save themselves.

    Bad guys run out of a door on to a crowded sidewalk, the good guy comes out 2 seconds later, looks left, looks right, and gives up the chase.

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