I think ‘glimmers’ are even more important in today’s volatile geo-political landscape. I try to find joy in a nice cup of tea, a good book, and my cats. Ultimately that is all we can do in situations like these. My grandmother lived through the Spanish Flu and both world wars. As a widow, she used to have to pick up sticks to make a fire to boil meat bones on to feed her four children. My uncle worked from the age of 15 to support them. He ended up very bitter. But my grandmother always found joy in tiny things. She loved flowers, and crochet, and the radio. I think of her a great deal as we hunker down 100 years later, having been through Covid, possibly facing a depression and a third world war.
People sometimes expect a happy life and are disappointed when they don’t get one. But for me, all the small happy moments accumulated – strung together like pearls on a necklace – make up a happy life. Happiness is not always in the epic. It is usually in the mundane. It can be
- a good, book
- a cup of tea on a rainy day
- a delicious apple
- a cat purring
- sunshine after a rainy week
- finally feeling good after a bad cold
- a particularly nice soak in the bathtub
- a great bowel movement (don’t knock one of the great pleasures in life)
- coming inside from a cold wet commute
- a smile or a compliment from a stranger
- a delicious slice of carrot cake
- knowing I have a roof over my head that doesn’t leak, a full tummy and a warm bed to sleep in
- the bus coming on time and not being overfull
I always try to find the happiness in the everyday, the humdrum. I think bad moments make us appreciate the good moments more, just as having been sick, we appreciate those first few days without fever and when nothing hurts. People often comment how enthusiastic I am about small things. I believe that is because I know what is is like to have nothing and no one. In some ways my trauma has allowed me to appreciate life and health more. Even bad days can have several great moments in them, if you look. And once you start looking, you find more and more.
I recently read an article about ‘glimmers’ a term coined by clinical social worker Deb Dana. Her 2018 book The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy, describes glimmers as micro moments that makes us feel safe and calm. This is particularly helpful for people who have experienced trauma.
The thing I love about glimmers is that, working with trauma survivors, it’s so respectful of their suffering. It allows them to understand that their biology is wired in a way that we don’t discount the trauma or the crisis or the ongoing suffering, but we recognize that their biology is exquisitely set up to be able to also notice the micro moments of goodness.
What we’ve discovered is as you begin to see a glimmer, you begin to look for more. It’s just what we do… and we then delight in finding them. That’s your nervous system beginning to shape toward the patterns of connection that are inherently waiting in there to be deepened and brought alive.
I look for silver linings when everything is going wrong. I hate being told “everything happens for a reason,” but I can usually find a silver lining. I love my life of small luxuries – cats, tea, good coffee, beautiful dishes, a comfortable bed with beautiful bedding. There’s more, but that’s the gist.
This is very true, and something I love by. I’ve found that some people find my inevitable attempt to always find the positive in every situation incredibly irritating, so I learned to try to suppress it a little. Now I’m my own boss, and work on my own I can be as ‘bloody positive’ as I like 😀
I tend to recall some uplifting Sunday sermons. Just kind of stick with me.
Since I began to look for the good in situations I have found glimmers, and these can make the difference between happiness and depression. Focussing on the good things that occur daily, even just fleetingly, makes you feel good about yourself and the dark clouds disappear.