It started snowing. The first of the season and the first real snow we have ever seen. The wife took out buttered buns and sat by the window watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL. Like a picture postcard.
We woke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a FANTASTIC sight! Every tree and shrub was covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shovelled snow for the first time and loved it. I did both our driveway and sidewalk. Later, the city snowplough came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. But the driver smiled and waved and I waved back and shovelled again.
It snowed an additional twelve centimetres last night and the temperature has dropped to around -2°C. Several limbs on the trees and shrubs have snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shovelled our driveway again. Shortly afterwards the snowplough came by and did his trick again. Much of the snow is now brownish grey.
Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush, which soon became ice again. Bought snow tyres for both cars. Slipped on my arse in the driveway, paid $130 for the chiropractor, but fortunately nothing broken. More snow and ice expected.
Still cold. Sold my wife’s car and bought a 4×4 in order to get to work. Slid on the guard-rail and did considerable damage to the right quarter panel. Had another 15 centimetres of white sh*t last night. Both vehicles covered in salt and crud. More shovelling in store for me today. That damn snowplough came by twice yesterday.
-19°C! More f@#king snow. Not a tree or shrub on our property that hasn’t been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a kerosene heater, which tipped over and nearly burned the f@#king house down. I managed to put the flames out but suffered second degree burns on my hands and lost all my eyebrows and eyelashes. Car slid on the white sh*t on the way to the hospital and was totalled.
Mother f@#king white kak keeps coming down! I have to put on all the clothes I own just to get to the mailbox. If I ever catch that son of a bitch that drives that f@#king snowplough, I’ll chew open his chest and rip his heart out. I think he hides around the f@#king corner and waits for me to finish shovelling, then comes down the street at about 160km/hr and buries our driveway again. f@#king power still off. The shithouse froze and parts of the roof have started to cave in
Twelve more centimetres of f@#king snow and f@#king ice and f@#k knows what other kind of f@#king white sh*t fell last night. I wounded the f@#king snowplough with a pick, but the bastard got away. The wife has f@$ked off and left me. The f@#king car won’t start and I think I’m going f@#king snow-blind. I can’t move my f@#king toes, haven’t seen the f@#king sun in weeks and there’s more f@#king snow predicted. Wind chill is 30 f@#king degrees below zero!!
f@#k THIS! I am moving back to South Africa!!!!!!!!!
Written by anonymous
I did laugh at this, the more the post goes on, the more irate he’s getting!! Is this a genuine journal or is it a wind up? Whatever, it’s very amusing.
It was written as a comic piece (I think) by a South African in Canada a few years ago. I can certainly empathise!