My world is not your world

Something I have learned in the last decades is that everyone has different parents/siblings/partners. A parent is different with different children. It could be that the parent was very young when the first child was born, or had more money with the last-born. They could have matured, or learned along the way. Furthermore, each child has a different personality.

The same goes for partners. The way I am with my partner is different from the way I have been with previous partners. Age, experience and different personalities mean that though we are the same person throughout, we do relate differently to different people. My husband brings out the best in me, and makes me a better person.

I have had many conversations with my husband about how the world he lives in is not the same as the world I move around.

When I was young, I was sexually harassed at every single workplace. As were all the other women with whom I worked. All the bosses were men, and young women had neither the power or the economic option to complain. We were also paid way less, even if we were more qualified than men doing the same job. As someone with a postgraduate degree, I had to listen to hundreds of dumb blonde jokes by men who had not finished school. It was just a given. Thankfully, the metoo movement nipped a lot of this in the bud. My husband has never had to experience that.

There is another way that the world is different for him and for me, though…when I catch an underground late at night, I never choose an empty carriage. When I walk home in the dark, I never take an unlit shortcut. I check frequently whether there is someone behind me as I walk, and register whether they could be a threat. I hold my handbag closely at all times and am vigilant in crowds. I never drink when I have to walk home by myself. I avoid drunk people. My husband does none of these things because he is a large, intimidating man.

Women have to stay alert in ways men never have to. If a woman hears a rustling in a bush, they think tiger. When a man hears rustling in a bush, they think bird.

It’s also interesting that if you read solo travel books about by women, they all emphasise whether a place is safe for a woman alone, and give tips on staying safe. This even applies to countries that are widely regarded as safe. If you read solo travel pieces by men, they seldom go into detail about safety at all unless the place is known to be dangerous, and then the advice is general.