Engagement rings

Someone asked me the other day if I had any tips on choosing an engagement ring. Things like that are so personal and I am certainly no expert, but I have noticed how mine changed from my first one (when I was 19) to my second one (in my fifties). I love jewellery and have learned over the years what works and what doesn’t.

I first became engaged, in the 1980s when my boyfriend was in the army. South Africa was involved in a war and my boyfriend was on active duty, so we got engaged earlier than we otherwise would have done. He was my high school boyfriend and I only saw him a few times a year once he deployed. He used his army pay to buy me the only ring he could afford at the time. We chose it together. It had a very small diamond in a high 9ct setting, which was designed to make the stone look bigger. The design was very 1970s. There was a lot of comparing rings between friends/frenemies in those days. After he put it on, I did not remove it until we broke up two years later. My mother never ever removed her ring either, but when she knew she was dying she gave it to me while she was still well enough to make the choice.

My second engagement ring was a plain gold band dotted with diamonds. My now-husband and I chose it together. I chose something low-profile and plain because I did not want something that would catch on things, bang on things, spin around, or be uncomfortable. I didn’t care what people thought, and wanted more gold and less stone. My mothers’ ring shanks had worn almost through because she never took them off, so I wanted something more substantial.

I do also have cheaper wedding sets and an heirloom ring that I can wear if I get bored with my actual wedding set.  I do get bored quite often, and ring fingers are prime ring real estate!

I would say

Avoid trends if you are not planning on changing your ring in later years
Engagement rings from the different decades are quite recognisable. Art Deco (1910s to 1930s) is always pretty, but trendy engagement rings from  the 1970s and 1980s look dated these days if that is not your style. Old diamonds were cut to sparkle in candle light so can look dull in electric lighting.  Think whether you want to go classic or trendy. Right now the trend seems to be larger-sized oval lab diamonds (often with a hidden halo in yellow gold), so it will be interesting to know how classic they will be in coming years. My prediction is that the pendulum will swing towards dainty rings soon.

Think about comfort and durability.

I dislike

• claw-set rings that catch on things
• claw-set stones around the shank – they pinch
• stones that slide to one side
• tall settings that bang on things
• very narrow bands (make the stone look bigger but are also very fragile)

I can wear a set like that for an evening, but not daily. I have also learned to take into account that the wider the shank, the bigger the size you will need, and to take into consideration that if you have two wide rings (like I do – each one is 5mm), the one on the outside may need to be a bigger size. My fingers also shrink and swell during the day so I have to make sure my rings are the right size.

Changing your ring later is not a terrible thing

As you age, your lifestyle and life may change. You may gain or lose weight, have babies/pets/hobbies that mean your ring will need to be resized, redesigned or replaced to be more practical. You may want to upgrade your ring. You may want a cheaper travel ring. There is nothing wrong with that.

My sisters almost all wear their original rings daily. I am the only one who changes things around, particularly when I travel.