One of the things I have taught the most over the past quarter of a century has been diplomatic English. Swedish has few words compared to English, and Swedes in general are quite direct. Naturally there are variations between individuals. I am very direct and my mother was very direct, but I come from a very diplomatic family. My mother’s nickname used to be ‘Joy Blunt’ because she was very blunt when she spoke.
I have taught Swedes over the years to use little airbags around harsh messages, like the examples below.
I always have to caution against going overboard though, because other countries also tend to be more direct than the British. Americans and Australians are direct, as are South Africans.
This is an example I sometimes use, from the a battle during the Korean war, where diplomacy went very wrong.
How a misunderstanding between a British brigadier and US general led to disaster on a Korean battlefield
When British brigadier Tom Brodie reported his position to his American superior in the United Nations joint command, he did so with classic and – as it turned out – lethal British understatement.
“Things are a bit sticky, sir,” Brodie told General Robert H Soule, intending to convey that they were in extreme difficulty.
But Gen Soule understood this to mean “We’re having a bit of rough and tumble but we’re holding the line”. Oh good, the general decided, no need to reinforce or withdraw them, not yet anyway.
With no extra support promised, the colonel in charge of the Gloucesters fell back to a hill overlooking the river, where they made their stand. For four days, mostly without sleep, they held off 30,000 Chinese troops trying to surge across the river, killing 10,000 of them with Bren gun fire.
When they tried to withdraw, they were too late. More than 500 of them were captured and spent years in Chinese camps. Fifty-nine were killed or missing. Only 39 escaped. Two soldiers were awarded Victoria crosses for bravery.
Their feat was credited with saving Seoul, the south Korean capital, from capture. But the official historian of the war, General Sir Anthony Farrar-Hockley, said Seoul probably would not have been endangered if the men had been withdrawn earlier, and they would not have been cut off or captured.
General Sir Anthony Farrar-Hockley said that a US officer – unlike Brigadier Brodie – would have known how to make General Soule understand, by using the phrase “Sir, there is all hell breaking loose here”.
Sir Anthony said: “The two nations spoke military [language] in a slightly different way. It’s certainly a good example of the old saying about Britain and the US as two nations divided by a common language.”
“Any hopes of relief were dashed by an American misunderstanding of British understatement.”
Read more here
I’m going to save your little chart. It reminds me of learning some decades ago about the phrasing of complaints in “I talk” rather than “you talk.” Many of your examples illustrate the wisdom of speaking of one’s own concerns about issues which keeps the tone more neutral, rather than saying “You this” or “you that” which puts people on the defensive, as it sounds accusatory.
Thank you!
Yup.
So very true.