I have noticed several friends in my age group or a little younger talking about hard it is to get their parents to downsize, declutter, and stop driving.
I understand the driving part because, depending on where you live, you are only truly independent if you drive. Giving up driving is saying goodbye to that last bit of independence. We probably also don’t like to admit that we can’t do things so well anymore as we age. Maybe I am also going to deny it when my hearing starts getting worse (though I have it tested regularly). Even animals try to hide their vulnerability when sick or old, in order to survive.
One common battle for my peer group is decluttering parents’ homes. My mother was born during the Great Depression and lived through the Second World War. She knew deprivation, so her unwillingness to throw out anything that may prove useful (bits of string, old jars, paper) was due to having to live on rations and make do and mend. She was always preparing to do it again. I grew up knowing how to darn socks and handkerchiefs, repurpose coffee tins and make soup out of bones because my grandmother and mother knew what is was like to suffer extreme deprivation.
Furniture and ornaments are another thing entirely though. I remember my maternal grandmother’s house and my two parental homes as cluttered with huge pieces of dark furniture (particularly large dining room sets with Dutch dressers), giant wardrobes, dinner services (one for best and one for everyday), tea sets, lots of knick-knacks (ornaments, collections, anniversary items), many of which had been passed down. My parents had a drinks trolley and a huge tv cabinet. My mother had a display cabinet for her Wedgewood Jasperware collection in blue. Decor was seldom changed.
I think many elderly people today want to pass these down to their children, but society has changed. Kitchen cabinets and bedroom closets are normally built in. Rooms are smaller. I heard someone say – very wisely – that space used to be cheap and things were expensive, while nowadays things are cheap and space is expensive. Which is so so true. Things like household appliances can be bought very cheaply compared to forty years ago. And I guess the minimal style in lighter colours is much more suited to smaller spaces. I am not sure how many people have separate dining rooms with large tables and dressers these days. No one I know has a full tea set or formal and informal dinner services for 12 people.
I often feel sad looking at all the enormous gilt-edged (hand wash only!) tea sets for sale in second hand stores, knowing that it was special and precious to someone but not very useful in today’s world.
I suppose it also depends on where you live. I live in a small apartment in the centre of one of the most expensive cities in the world. My family comes from a small town in the poorest province in South Africa. My siblings have larger homes than I do, but they have built-in cupboards and much less stuff than our parents or grandparents.
Also, they say that the younger generations want experiences, not things. I think about this all the time, as I inherited two big boxes of silver plate tableware, one from my family and one from my husbands. I recently moved them from the house to the garage, and I guess eventually they will go to the thrift store. But it may be my children who have to accomplish that. It’s still too sad for me!
Brilliantly said, Janet – can attest here. We grew up with same type parents. I never sadly knew my grandparents – deceased – even my Mum never knew them either, let alone her own parents. Was a small child when her parents died. Left a ward of the state – placed in state orphanage. My grandfather – maternal had an older sister – a spinster at that time – mid to late 30’s ( depression) period. State would not permit adoption of my Mum, brother etc.